Hurt

12/30/09…I have a friend. Actually he is more than a friend, he is my blood brother. He is a kindred spirit in the artistic and spiritual realm. What I am beginning to realize in this short life is one does not come across friends like this very often; ones who can listen without judging, ones who can empathize. An actual man who is not scared to open up and talk about their deep fears, hurts, and even failures. I have to say in my entire lifetime, he is my closest friend I have ever had in this regard. I cherish him and I do not take his friendship for granted. Distance may separate us, but my love for him does not. Does that creep you out for me to say that? I hope not.

My friend is hurting. That may be the most understated thing I have ever written. What does my friend do with a love that has been pent up inside for so long awaiting a woman to accept? At times, he thinks he knows who the right woman may be only to see it come crashing down like the Twin Towers in New York, literally. It feels like I am verbalizing too much melodrama right now, but that is what hurt feels like in the moment. It is hard to see the other side. We don’t even want to see the other side. We want to wallow in the hurt. I find it amazing how God has made us to embrace hurt like this because we cannot heal if we do not. We want to hurt. We want to lash out in anguish, cry tears of despair and lost hope, and withdraw ourselves from others. It is the only way to heal.

What does my friend do with this love that seemingly is never accepted by a woman? All he wants is a chance. That is all. Just a chance. Nothing more. Is that really asking for too much…God? Our Father, you have made us for relationship, so why is it so hard.

For my friend, I want to give him some “canned” advice like, “It is going to be ok, time heals” or better yet, “There are other fish in the sea” or how about this gem, “It is better to be single than married, at least according to the apostle Paul.” I suppose if someone told me these sayings, I might punch them in the face. After all, how could I know how my friend feels? I don’t. I have never lived the exact life he has lived. Therefore how would I know. I think that is the problem with “canned” advice, it is so “canned.”

I have to tell you, I feel depressed since finding out the news from my friend. Maybe a year ago, I would have dismissed it a little. But over time, as our friendship has grown, I honestly ache for his heart. I feel his hurt, not because I understand it, but because he is my friend.