vi of vi: The beautiful balance of the Protestant and Catholic faiths

There are a few last thoughts I have on these matters Father. It seems hard for me to deny any longer that the Catholic faith was indeed built upon Peter, and he was the rock upon which You built Your testimony. Yet is this not true of a rock? A rock is steady, unwavering, but over time even it experiences some erosion does it not? I hope being a Protestant is the result to an answer of some erosion of which You had to correct. Whoa, what a thought that is! But as I let that thought resonate, let me also say this, I do have comfort in knowing the Catholic Church, Your rock, has in a catechism accepted those who are not of the faith but still acknowledge Your Son as their Savior and strive to follow Your Word, albeit in a different way.

Once again I go back to the beginning. People came to you in faith on the spot. There were no classes given on who You were. Paul, and Peter, and John, and Thomas, and all the disciples simply preached and in faith people came to You on the spot. Just with Peter alone, three thousand people came to You in one instance. Surely this is what Martin Luther was trying to say. I also look at the thief on the cross. You presented Yourself, he believed, and he was saved. There were no attending classes for a year to find out who You were. The thief believed and he was saved. And yet what is equally wrong with the beauty of the Catholic faith and the tradition, and the sacraments, and the holding on to this. At the moment of confirmation, if the person believes, then they believe. I know the arguments people will bring up regarding this, but the fact is confirmation includes a profession of faith in You, Your Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Maybe the Catholic rock stabilizes all of us and is a check and balance against the Protestant religions. Maybe in the same way the Protestant faith is a check and balance against the Catholic religion, as if to ensure we always remember people were saved in a different way at the very start.

Father I end all this by writing the following. I don’t know. And I especially do not fully understand all the differences in the Catholic religion and Protestant factions. I have questions, but I do not know. For anyone reading this, I hope they understand this. There was a time that I was scared that my faith could not stand up to the seeking, yet it seems my faith is growing stronger and my horizon is expanding. I realize by writing these things I am probably opening myself up to “venom” that may be directed my way, but again what is it we are scared of when asking these questions or pondering these thoughts? My passion for You causes me to seek You further, not my need to know the answers because I already realize I will never know. Three years ago, I would not have written a provoking piece like this. I am interested to see what I may write three years from now.

In the end, Father I love You, I love my Savior, and I love the Holy Spirit. Thank you for Your grace and Your love, and please forgive me for my continued seeking and at times an inability to simply rest in You. Oh Father, let me follow Your heart to feed the hungry, care for the poor, and help the afflicted souls. Let my thirst for knowledge decrease and mercy increase for others. In the end does knowledge really help to feed the hungry, or to care for the poor, or to help the afflicted souls. I am not so sure.

Indeed, maybe that is the lesson in all of this…

v of vi: To believe requires “faith,” not answers.

And so the questions continue…and what I realize is You require me walking in “faith,” not in answers. But Father, if you may, at least humor me with further reflections.

The Protestants; Lutheran, Baptist, Episcopal, Anglican, Pentecostal, Methodist, Moravian, Presbyterian, Mennonite, Amish, and so on. The list is quite extensive. Protestants have in truth only been around for five hundred years or so…a very brief time. I have heard enough testimonies to know that the Protestant way is real, and now I am realizing the Catholic faith is just as real. Why was there such fear in sharing this history with me when I was growing up? What are they scared of? It seems if our faith is true it will endure historical lessons. After all it seems no matter how much knowledge is presented, in the end to believe in You requires “faith,” not answers. For is it not true even with answers, our eyes are still blinded. Even today I am dating someone who was Baptist and decided to practice Catholicism, and everyone around her in the Bible Belt lamented against her as if her soul was doomed to eternal damnation. And then I read an online piece by a messenger of Yours whom I highly respect and in his worship of religion, he condemned a Catholic mass and had to walk out because he was “disgusted.” Again Father, it is hard for me to understand these things. Is it really our place to judge? Are we worshipping religion or are we worshipping You? I understand Your Word says be aware of false doctrine and teaching but is this really the responsibility of leaders, or is there not a better way for a leader to teach history and religious differences, and then let Your Holy Spirit guide the individual seeker? As in both Catholic and Protestant religions is it not true it is a matter of faith? In both, there are those who go to the Church, and church, but live according to the world. To them You say depart from Me because You never knew them. And yet in both, are there not those who pursue You, sometimes with reckless passion, and to them You say welcome. Different avenues. Same ending. What do I believe? I believe,

You are One; God, Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit…

Jesus Christ is the only way to my eternal salvation…

Faith without works is dead…

Living a life of intentional sin because I have been forgiven has no part in You…

I must continually ask for forgiveness for my sins, because unfortunately I will continue to sin. Therefore asking for forgiveness is not a onetime deal if I want to maintain an intimate relationship with You…

If my life is not changing and conforming to who Christ was, and how He was my living example, then You may indeed have every right to say depart from me, because I never knew you…

And now I am crossing the line into too much theology and need to back off. I fear this may only lead to “venom.”

iv of vi: Is it true Martin Luther hated Jews?

After one thousand five hundred years, or 1500 A.D., it happened, the start of the Protestant Reformation. For 1500 years there was no such thing as a Protestant, so what happened Lord? Did the Catholic Church for a time lose itself and in Your divine hand You intervened through a flawed person in Martin Luther? Or did Satan take over, much like he did in Job, but You used it for Your glory? Or did You do this in order to expand who You are to the lost? In the beginning You started with Jews, then through Christ You opened Yourself to the Gentiles. Was the Protestant Reformation another way to reveal Yourself? Do You even care about religion? I am talking religion Lord, not fellowship or worship? Did You see the Catholic Church after one thousand five hundred years drifting from who You are, so You had to open up another path through the thoughts of a flawed human being? Would it not have been easier just to reveal Yourself? Or was this simply Satan deceiving and causing a rift in the Church beyond repair? Or did You once again create good out of something that was bad? I can’t help but think even through the flawed person of Martin Luther that there was truth there, and You used him to reveal it. In no way does it seem that it negated the Catholic Church, it seems that it opened another avenue of truth to You. I hope what I am writing is truth. I hope I am not being used by Satan to write falsely of You. Martin Luther was indeed a flawed person just like the rest of us.

However, what really brought me to my knees in a literal sense is when I read that Martin Luther had such hatred for the Jews, Your chosen people. At first, if I understand the accounts correct, he had empathy and thought if a different approach could be shared with them, they might turn. But later in life when he realized this would not be the case, he wrote some words which quite frankly Father are anti-Semitic. Father, this is the man who lit the spark for the Protestant Reformation. And Father how could this man who spent countless hours studying Your Word and even translating it to German not understand. Your Word in the Old Testament clearly says You have hid from the Jews, at least most of them, who their Messiah would be. It says so in Your Word. For whatever reason, You are doing this in order to show Your glory when Your Son returns and at that moment their eyes will open and all glory will go to You. How is it Martin Luther did not understand this? Surely I am missing something. I have not heard anyone ever mention this fact about Martin Luther. In fact most regard him as highly as a saint. I am a little dumbfounded. The man whom You used gave me an avenue to my salvation different from the Catholic creed, but he was a hater of Your people.

iii of vi: Interpretation

Father, maybe You already knew we would read the same words in Your book and come up with different interpretations. Maybe You already knew our perspectives, backgrounds, and experiences would color the way we saw You. Maybe You knew the destructive influence of Satan, our human pride, and our flaws would all detrimentally affect the way we saw You. Is this not true even when You presented Yourself on earth? For some recognized You as Savior, others saw You as a threat, still others were indifferent to You…so I guess if You stood in front of us today, the same thing would happen would it not? But I must say, a part of me would love for You to stand before me so I could ask all my questions and get the answers straight from You…but alas it seems this is not to be, or is it?

ii of vi: Could Protestants be wrong?

Father, in Your breathed Word, You told Peter that he was the rock You would build on. What did this mean? Did it in fact mean You wanted Him to assume spiritual authority on this earth and for the Church to be built upon him? After Peter was martyred, Linus was asked to assume authority. Eventually this action led to the office of Pope, and the line of the papacy has continued until this day from Linus. Is it not true the Catholic Church is the true lineage handed down after Peter’s martyrdom? But a percentage of Protestants say it is not based on Your Words that they are interpreting. They say that is not what You meant when You said that to Peter, but how are they to really know? They were not there when You said it. I wonder if Peter even really knew what You meant.

And now the confusion, as in anything with human involvement, begins. I wonder if Satan has a hand in all this? And I wonder again why, if this is true, would You allow Satan to deceive? And then I quickly realize once again I have to let go of the need to know.

And yet, I think back to the beginning. There was no New Testament, there was no Catechism, there was an awful lot of confusion even to the point Paul and others had to continually go to churches to correct those in the midst of the false teaching. And this was not long after Your death. So Father within years after Your Son’s death there was already factions, and false teaching, and false doctrine, even though Your Son’s blood was still fresh in a manner of speaking. How do we have any hope of getting You right 2000 years removed when we could not even get You right 10 years removed? Oh Father how much easier it would be if You just stood before us and told us exactly what You meant by Your breathed Words. Instead, amazingly, all of us can read the same Words and come up with different interpretations. This reminds me of the exercise where everyone is in a circle and one person passes a saying on to the next person but then by the time it comes around to the person who first uttered the saying, it is no longer the same words.

i of vi: Faith in the midst of continued questions

3/7/09...Father, I must say, Your ways continue to be mysterious to me. With knowledge comes pain, and I sometimes wish this was not a spiritual pursuit You bestowed upon me. Truly, I hope it will decrease over time instead of increasing.

Here is my latest pursuit; the origins of religion. Father I was never taught the origins of my religion in any depth. My only teaching was from a pulpit of a religion that condemned all Catholics and either judged or mildly condemned factions of Protestants.

I wonder if the tribulations I have faced with religion would have been avoided if I was taught the history of religion in Sunday School. But then again, I think it would have been colored by the perspective of the teacher and who knows how much more harm that could have caused. So in my quest to try and help my son, I have delved into religious history and Father I am not at all happy with some of the discovery. My eyes are opening, or You are opening my eyes, not sure which, and in the end I am left only with my “faith” in You, and a realization that I have to let go of the need to know.

Fighting Myself

3/6/09…Father, I have become unholy. I do not phrase this as a question because it is a statement is it not? I wish it were not so, but it is. Remember that day Lord, remember when You took my hand in Your hand, and You let me know, “Lo I am with always, even until the end of the ages.” Oh how sweet our relationship was after that crisp September evening. I ate your Word day and night savoring it like a truffle. I talked to You, and I listened to You. We had relationship, You and me, Father and son, man it was so awesome. I felt You so close to me, to the extent that fifteen minutes every morning of study, prayer, journaling, and listening, produced such fruit for Your glory and such joy for me.

As I remember this season, which is so important, I remember my all consuming passion for You. It overrode everything else in my life. What happened? Is it true your holiness cannot attach itself to my unholiness any longer? Are there degrees? Lord, You know my heart is still for You, all of me and nothing held back, and yet I miss our relationship. You are, or is it me, that is so distant?

It seems one thing I do remember during our season was my thought life. With my surrendering and Your indwelling in me, my desires were quenched. This seemed to make a difference. And now it is a struggle, at times without me putting up much of a fight anymore. Before I had no need to fight it because my joy was so great I did not want to risk losing it. But now, my spirit is sad, and in the pain, and sometimes in the desire, I give in. And now I wonder is my unholiness causing You to remain distant? In the purity that is You, have I crossed a line? I can only think this is truth.

Father, I pray help me restore us. Reveal to me how to restore us. I miss You so much. I do not like this feeling of not feeling You in my prayer life. Let me surrender, let me trust, let me put on my body of armor and fight my thought life. Let me not give in to pain nor search for relief in avenues apart from You. Indeed, let me go to You for relief…