1/30/09…As evening ends and the cold chill sets in, the dew in the night lays its head on the works of man. Shortly the dew will turn into a blanket of frost over the streets of Jackson. After our visitation, we head back to Clinton in our white Chevy church van. Inside sits DeWayne and Monica. Earlier in the evening I called out to them by name and DeWayne said, “Finally, someone remembers our name.” This catches me a little bit by surprise. Indeed one of the most important things one can do when serving on the streets is remembering their names. Over and over when I recognize someone and say hey to them by name, they warm up to me instantly.
We are giving DeWayne and Monica a ride back to what I would loosely call their “house.” There is no electricity, therefore no heat. I see them get out of our van, walk across their unkempt yard, and open the door. As our van turns around and passes by I see DeWayne lighting a candle inside. Monica says her pregnancy is coming along fine although I do not get many details because she is very quiet. As for DeWayne, he puts on a macho front at the Opportunity Center, but it is clear when he is away from this environment, his demeanor changes from machismo to one resembling a scared little boy. On the streets, I suppose he has to survive by putting on his macho act. I do wonder is there some way I can connect with him, yet it is difficult to do when he hardly says two words in response to a question. In some ways behind his tough exterior, he really is a scared little boy who is socially awkward in front of us.
And what strikes me beyond just DeWayne is the difficulty to connect. In all the conversations I have had; with Alma, with Faye, with Gussie, with Mark, and everyone else, it always seems to be one-sided, as in me listening. I know just being there to listen is so important because they need someone to unload on. I know they are hoping that somehow the sharing of their struggles will relieve the burden they carry on their backs but I so much, just once, want someone to ask me, “Why are you out here? Why are you doing this?” so I can tell them more about my Savior, and how He rescued me, and the peace and rest He has given me even amidst my own trials and struggles. Yet it has not happened thus far. Sometimes I ask if I can I pray for them and every time they always say yes, but I so much want to go further. However, to witness to them and maybe even see them surrender seems to me ineffective if I am not able to disciple them on this walk. As I have found out, surrendering your life to Christ is only the first step of a long journey of the soul. Without adequate support, and encouragement, and accountability, and constant nourishment, the soul is so susceptible to drift. And I realize here is what I need to understand; it is not about me. I simply need to have faith that God will take care of the details or show me how to proceed. The last thing I want Father is to bring someone to You and then wipe my hands clean, saying I have done my Christian duty, because I have not.
I pray You help me recognize opportunities. I pray You help me take more risk for souls. I pray You direct me and help me recognize that my prayer life needs strengthening for whatever task You have in store for me.
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