1/30/09…Father, this past Wednesday I saw Alma. Thank you for her showing up. I had not seen her for over a month. One of the reasons we made a connection is come to find out both of us have a love for art. Over and over again she tells me about the new museum of art opening up downtown. I can’t help but think seeing the beauty of color on canvas is her escape from this world. She is an ex-con and she is currently living with a boyfriend Jamie whom she readily has told me is on crack. To look at Jamie, one would never know this. He is young and in shape; the crack addiction has yet to take its toll on his flesh. Quickly after exiting the van, I hastily make my way over to her. It was easy to spot her because she is so short. I laugh at this, she does too. We give each other a big hug and hello. I say hey to Julian, her friend. Months earlier he was telling me about trying to start a dry cleaning business but lacked the money. She proceeds to tell me about what is going on in her life and about Kimo (her ten year old son). The connection is good; I missed seeing her all these weeks. Yet I really worry about her. As I am talking to her I see Jamie across the street wondering around and ask her what is going on. She tells me he is high and looking to score a deal. I see him duck behind some bushes and vanish in between some houses. As she tells me this, you can hear the stress in her voice. Alma really desires to change her life but as an ex-con living with a crack addict, it seems the odds are stacked against her. I pray for her because I am not sure what else to do. Alma has never asked anything from me, clothing, money, or food, she just is there for my company so I try to provide as much comfort for her as I can.
She is also there to get her picture taken by Gerry, one of the street ministry team. Gerry is an amateur photographer who randomly takes pictures of the Jackson homeless and with their permission, posts them online http://gprintz.smugmug.com/Street-Scenes. Usually, he will show up the following week and hand out copies of the photos to the people he took pictures of. Some seem to get a real joy and kick from this. In particular, Alma is giddy as a school kid to get her picture taken and she always makes a point to find Gerry and ask for a memento. For her, I think seeing herself in a photo means she exists. It almost seems like she is crying out behind her smiles and laughter as if she is saying…remember me.
Postlude 12/7/10…In an email from Gerry, I learn Alma died. Sad cannot adequately describe how I felt when I read that email. I do not know if Alma made it to heaven, and I have serious doubts. Because of this I am feeling deep remorse. Here was Alma, a living breathing person with a soul. Someone who befriended me as much as I befriended her. Both of us coming from opposite worlds and yet somehow God provided an avenue for us to meet. Yes, I prayed with her several times, but was it truly enough? Was I truly convicted enough to make her understand every time she walked away at the end of the night, there was no other decision that was as important as giving her life to Christ? I hang my head when I realize I did not. And now Alma is gone.
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