Trapped in a Hunk of Metal

10/02/08...Father, my ears are numb to their talk, yet I have nowhere to go. I sit here in this backseat and I listen to hour after hour of wasted words, and wasted lives. There is nothing for me to say because their hearts are hardened toward You. Only You can save them. I wonder in thought. They talk about blowjobs, they talk about strip clubs, they talk about their money, they racially slur others, they talk about their self-indulgent adventures. Hour after hour, nothing but self. The numbing talk lasts for six hours straight and I am trapped in the backseat of this riding hunk of metal. They even talk about going to church. I am not sure how you talk about the enjoyments of being at a strip club in one sentence and literally talk about going to church in the next sentence. There is no shame, or guilt, or the slightest bit of remorse in the conversation transition. How Your ears must burn. Mine, well they are just numb. I am contemplating the merits of jumping out of a car doing 85 mph. Surely, a couple of broken bones and abhorrent road rash can’t be as bad as sitting here continuing to listen to this. I mean I would speak up but what do you do when you realize there is absolutely no use.

Is this how You feel towards those who have turned from You? At the point they will not turn to You, I wonder if You stop trying, and according to Your Word, You let them wallow in their mud. You say, here, You want this world, it is yours, enjoy. And I think back to my life just a short time ago. Was I not the same as they, maybe not to the same degree, but Father you do not judge us on degrees do you?

Proverbs 1:28-31

Then they will call on me, but I will not answer;

They will seek me diligently, but they will not find me.

Because they hated knowledge

And did not choose the fear of the LORD,

They would have none of my counsel

And despised my every rebuke.

Therefore they shall eat the fruit of their own way,

And be filled to the full with their own fancies.

And yet, Father, You still never let go of me...