9/07/10...I have spent three years writing a book. Most of the writing took place between years one and two. Very few, thus far, have read the book. Of those who have, the reviews have ranged from the North Pole to the South Pole. Some were encouraged by what I wrote and I was taken aback by just how much. Some said nothing to what I wrote of which is fine (actually it’s not, I really want to hear how good it is…continue reading). However, the part that is troubling is a few were hurt by some of what I wrote, of which is not fine and this response completely took me by surprise. How can something I wrote with every intention of glorifying God end up hurting someone? I guess in my naiveté, I made the false assumption that anything done in the spirit of glorifying God would only create good in others lives. Apparently, for a myriad of reasons, which by the way can be found in the Bible, this may not always be the case.
So what do I do with this book? I can delete it from my computer and forever it will be gone. Clearly the book seemed to offer encouragement to some and to a degree that I never could have foreseen, so if I delete it, is God going to look at me and say why did I not use the talent (referencing the parable) he gave me. Or I can continue to edit and revise trying to take out the parts that could offend, or cause hurt, or cause division, or cause anger, or…or…or. I am afraid if I follow this path, there will not be much left to the book. Already, I have edited and rewritten to the point my eyes are crossing.
This is the other thought that is troubling to me. What I wrote, I wrote to glorify God. At least, initially. Later, not so sure. Were my motives all pure? I was humbled to hear a respected pastor whom I know personally and who to me is a shining example of a walk with Christ, tell a mutual friend, that he does not think he has ever had a pure motive in his life regarding his service to God. Talk about an eye opener. As I told my friend, if there is no hope with this Christian, then how can there be any hope for us. Alas, I realize he puts on his pants the same way as my friend and I.
Our human nature seeks glory on earth, affirmation from others that we matter, and a whole host of self-serving motives. Even in the times we start out pure, these little irritants crop up and all of a sudden we enjoy the attention and the accolades and the recognition from our good works. Yes, we want our reward in heaven but dadgoneit, how can we be sure there is a reward? Why can’t we go ahead and enjoy the earthly reward as well. Ahhh…back to our instant gratification. The motive that gets me into trouble all the time.
Do we keep our good work silent before others and only bask in the coming reward in heaven? To what extent does this silence glorify God? What is considered silence, in other words how do we define silence or better yet, when do we restrict our spiritual talents? Some say there are easy answers to these questions, but God tells me in Jeremiah my heart is above all deceitful, so I would say be careful of listening to easy answers. Or do we spread our good works (I am making the assumption now that they are good) in the hopes of touching other lives. Do we bask in knowing the greater reward awaiting us if this happens? I think it goes back to the title of my book, Expect Nothing Expect Everything. Go before God expecting nothing because all power is in Him, not ourselves. However, let our faith speak to the other side of this and expect everything, because as our Father in heaven, He is capable of all. All blessings flow from Him, not ourselves.
So back to my dilemma? What do I do with the book? I guess the decision I have come to is to let go and take this next step expecting nothing, and yet hoping for an undefined everything. I humbly am letting go of the last three years of my life writing this book, hoping somehow it can do good in others lives, and hoping somehow that there is nothing in there that will cause the exact opposite intention. I am humbled to know this may not be the case. I am also humbled to know that my motives may not be all pure as I once thought.
Father, in the end you know my heart. Let this do good if it is Your will to let it do good. If there is not good here to glorify You, then let it fall on deaf ears. If there is criticism directed at me, let me lay it at Your feet knowing I did the best I could. Forgive this flawed vessel who still seeks the earthly more than he does the heavenly. I am nothing in Your sight and forgive me for at times not loving You with all my heart and soul. To You goes all glory. Amen.
So what do I do with this book? I can delete it from my computer and forever it will be gone. Clearly the book seemed to offer encouragement to some and to a degree that I never could have foreseen, so if I delete it, is God going to look at me and say why did I not use the talent (referencing the parable) he gave me. Or I can continue to edit and revise trying to take out the parts that could offend, or cause hurt, or cause division, or cause anger, or…or…or. I am afraid if I follow this path, there will not be much left to the book. Already, I have edited and rewritten to the point my eyes are crossing.
This is the other thought that is troubling to me. What I wrote, I wrote to glorify God. At least, initially. Later, not so sure. Were my motives all pure? I was humbled to hear a respected pastor whom I know personally and who to me is a shining example of a walk with Christ, tell a mutual friend, that he does not think he has ever had a pure motive in his life regarding his service to God. Talk about an eye opener. As I told my friend, if there is no hope with this Christian, then how can there be any hope for us. Alas, I realize he puts on his pants the same way as my friend and I.
Our human nature seeks glory on earth, affirmation from others that we matter, and a whole host of self-serving motives. Even in the times we start out pure, these little irritants crop up and all of a sudden we enjoy the attention and the accolades and the recognition from our good works. Yes, we want our reward in heaven but dadgoneit, how can we be sure there is a reward? Why can’t we go ahead and enjoy the earthly reward as well. Ahhh…back to our instant gratification. The motive that gets me into trouble all the time.
Do we keep our good work silent before others and only bask in the coming reward in heaven? To what extent does this silence glorify God? What is considered silence, in other words how do we define silence or better yet, when do we restrict our spiritual talents? Some say there are easy answers to these questions, but God tells me in Jeremiah my heart is above all deceitful, so I would say be careful of listening to easy answers. Or do we spread our good works (I am making the assumption now that they are good) in the hopes of touching other lives. Do we bask in knowing the greater reward awaiting us if this happens? I think it goes back to the title of my book, Expect Nothing Expect Everything. Go before God expecting nothing because all power is in Him, not ourselves. However, let our faith speak to the other side of this and expect everything, because as our Father in heaven, He is capable of all. All blessings flow from Him, not ourselves.
So back to my dilemma? What do I do with the book? I guess the decision I have come to is to let go and take this next step expecting nothing, and yet hoping for an undefined everything. I humbly am letting go of the last three years of my life writing this book, hoping somehow it can do good in others lives, and hoping somehow that there is nothing in there that will cause the exact opposite intention. I am humbled to know this may not be the case. I am also humbled to know that my motives may not be all pure as I once thought.
Father, in the end you know my heart. Let this do good if it is Your will to let it do good. If there is not good here to glorify You, then let it fall on deaf ears. If there is criticism directed at me, let me lay it at Your feet knowing I did the best I could. Forgive this flawed vessel who still seeks the earthly more than he does the heavenly. I am nothing in Your sight and forgive me for at times not loving You with all my heart and soul. To You goes all glory. Amen.
So glad to see that you now have a blog & I can't wait to read the book!
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