Return to a “Normal Job”

6/30/12…Tom’s second message in the series Xmas in Conflict is entitled Spiritual vs Material, and reaffirmed something I needed to hear. In my book, Expect Nothing Expect Everything, I wrote about my difficulty returning to “normal” life after experiencing such a spiritual high on a short term mission trip.

In Tom’s message, he talked about the shepherds who experienced the birth of Jesus. They understood the significance. This was the Messiah. I wonder what conversations the Shepherds engaged in with Mary and Joseph as they gazed upon the newborn. And yet, what I really think about is what happened afterwards. They were, dare I say, on a spiritual high as they returned to their “normal” job. I wonder what they talked about on their walk back. More importantly, what did they talk about in the next thirty years, because Jesus did not even start his ministry until His thirties? Indeed, thirty years is a long time to wait.

Indeed, the Shepherds, just like me, must return to the Toil... 

A Quote from Tom...Priceless

6/30/12…From the series, Xmas in Conflict, “Seeking to resolve our doubts leads to freedom in time.” Tom Oyler, Grace Fellowship Church

M I Crooked Letter Crooked Letter

6/30/12…Today on my hike I listened to a message by Tom Oyler of Grace Fellowship Church. The series title was Xmas in Conflict. And yes the month is June. The message was Belief vs Skepticism and the content centered on John the Baptist’s parents. As usual Tom dug deep and offered wonderful insight. One quote which caused me pause was the following:

“Sometimes we ask for more than we need or more from God than He ever intends to give us to solicit our faith.” As an example, Tom explained how the angel only told Zacharias just enough to elicit a necessary response of faith. The angel never explained how his son would foreshadow the Messiah and eventually baptize Jesus. Indeed, maybe God never intends to tell me everything, just the minimal amount to cause action on my part. I think back on my short time in Mississippi. Upon my return to God, He blessed me with a wonderful church in Grace Fellowship, a wonderful community group of friends and a beautiful area of the country in Northeast Tennessee. And yet, as I was in-between jobs, all the doors kept closing on me until a job in Mississippi opened up. Somehow, and I cannot explain, I felt this is where I needed to go. I told God in prayer I wanted to serve Him and know Him better. He had been so good to me, and in turn I wanted to serve Him out of my gratitude.

Weeks later I am in Mississippi in my new house, starting a new job, not knowing anyone and ten plus hours away from family and my friends. The first year was incredibly difficult and many times I asked God why? And then all of a sudden incredible blessings began occurring. I met deeply committed Christian brothers and sisters. I wrote a book. I served in a downtown street ministry, whose impact still burns in me. And towards the end of my time there, I met my future wife. All this in one year’s time. God did not tell me all this before I moved to Mississippi. All I received was a prompting in some voiceless thought in my mind, somehow encouraging me to go. Somehow, just enough to solicit my faith.

Illicit a Response of Action

5/16/12…What strikes me when reading through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, and now 1 Samuel, is the word stiff-necked. It is eye opening to read how often God’s people loved God and repented of their sins, but soon thereafter became stiff-necked. Time after time, they disposed of God’s love and guidance, and furthermore showed ambivalence towards His power. Hmm…I wonder if I am no better. Maybe the Israelites are a reflection of me. Surely at times I appear stiff-necked towards Him with repeated sin. Surely at times I begin relying on my own guidance versus His guidance in my life. Surely at times I do not seek Him out with all my heart and soul.

So now towards the end of June, I have read through 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, and 2 Kings. I am depressed. King after King did evil in the sight of God and decided not to follow His ways, but am I any better? Only a King here and there such as Josiah did what was right in the sight of God. And I think, why? Why would evil King after evil King endure the horrendous response of God in their lives when they have seen His blessings and peace with Kings such as Josiah. Why? Even David gave away God’s blessings for sex and murder. There were even son’s of Kings who saw their fathers doing what was right in the sight of God, but decided not to follow, and instead did evil.

Many times when the word stiff-necked appears, the word provoke appears soon after. I looked up the dictionary meaning and the definition is “to illicit a response of action”. Over and over the Kings of Israel and Judah did so much evil, abomination, and idolatry, God was provoked to action. In my life, I wonder if I ever provoked Him? I hope my pride does not think the possibility does not exist.

Pride and the Shell Game

4/23/12…I realized something today. Most of my life I spent putting up a wall. The wall I put up was of this world. I let no one in for a long, long time. I let myself become a shallow shell of a man, someone who was good at putting up appearances, but not letting anyone in lest they find me out. Funny thing is, I bet most people could see I was a shell with very little substance on the inside. 

Shell – World

And now I have replaced one shell with another. Once God shattered my world shell and brought me to my knees acknowledging my need for Him, I have slowly without my realizing it built another shell. The shell did not happen overnight. Indeed the shell did not even start forming for 3 years. Then all of a sudden I began missing the intimacy of God. I read a blog article by John Ortberg discussing the spiritual wilderness. I remember reading a book of Mother Teresa’s memoirs. I remember a discussion by a Christian counselor. Without me knowing it, I am finding myself in a wilderness. And now the shell I am building is one of what my relationship with God use to be like versus what it actually is. What it actually is, is a shell with very little substance.

Shell – Religious

I find some ironic connection regarding going from a shell in this world to a shell in the spiritual.