John Ellis

6/24/11…As I continue reading Leviticus, albeit after a two month interlude, I am continually struck by the tediousness of God’s commands for Israel. Part of me wants to give up because extracting any kernel of knowledge from this book is an exercise in patience. But then again, part of me is hopeful, just knowing how much I learned already from these dusty old Pentateuch Books. Sometimes learning is like panning for gold. The thing is, there is no guarantee. I press on because I know only God brings any lasting meaning or joy to my life. Lately, I often wonder why I run so much from Him when I know this realization.

I think of John Ellis, formerly of the Christian band, Tree 63. Recently I read an interview with him. Ellis was the driving force and lyricist behind the band. After years of album releases and an unrelenting tour schedule, John called it quits, not just from the band, but as he said from American Christianity. He became worn down in his walk, possibly from experiencing such things as hypocrisy, legalism, and criticism. He returned to his native land in South Africa. From his interviews and reading his blog, entitled Rants and Raves of a Restless Native, I gathered he wrestled with his experience in the States. Today I read something written by him which connected. John wrote how it is difficult to play his earlier music because as he wrote, the lyrics reflected his spirituality at the time, almost embarrassingly so. I know when I listen to his earlier work in Tree63, Ellis seemed to have an unabashed love affair with Christ. I can really sense someone who loved God with all their heart, mind, and soul, much like me just three short years ago. Indeed, reading his lyrics at face value somehow reminds me of a child. I think of children and how they typically love with few questions asked. Not only are children naïve to the fallen world, they typically are not worn down by years of living in the despair of this world or even in a divisive Christian world. Although John admits he still plays his earlier work, the reason he provides is ensuring he is connecting with his fan base, not for worship.

I know in my heart I love God, and I believe in Christ. But I also know this journey I am on, which I believe is a journey of the Way, is fraught with peril. Callouses envelope me, mostly due to myself. This saddens me. The deeper I let the callousness affect me, the harder it is to return with passion and joy; indeed the harder it seems to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind.

And so as I read Leviticus today, I drew the following parallel. God or should I say Christ, which is an interesting thought, explains in detail to Moses what He considers unclean, and if his people expose themselves to uncleanness, God explains what they are supposed to do to become clean. Ad nausea, this continues chapter after chapter. As I read these passages, I asked God to speak to me if He so desired. Here is the thought I came away with:

            Holiness cannot attach itself to uncleanness. 

Hmmm…what does holy mean? I suppose holy in this context means love is so pure it cannot attach itself to anything selfish or evil. Goodness by definition cannot exist with selfishness or wickedness. Therefore, if God is by definition the purest form of goodness, then it stands to reason my uncleanness drives me away from goodness. And this is why I need Grace, to cover why I cannot be good consistently. However, my pride creeps in and does not want to admit for the thousandth time I failed again. Nor does my pride want to do those things before God in order to rid myself of uncleanness. If I follow Leviticus, then getting rid of uncleanness is clear, especially in the realm of animal sacrifices. Sometimes though, I think I would need a million bulls to cover all my uncleanness. Gratefully, Christ offers Grace. Still, I feel ashamed because of my continuing failures to become holy. Even though I realize true holiness is not possible, for God I want to rid myself entirely of sin. Unfortunately, my wash cycle is habitually stuck on stuck.

This realization at times, drives me further from God, and in some way this is how I connected with John Ellis. I wonder if he is trapped in the same cycle. I wonder if we return to our embarrassing admissions of love to our God, will our childlike wonder return?

           

In the darkest night of the desert

In the deepest hole of the valley

My soul, my soul clings to You

My soul, my soul clings to You

In the freezing chill of winter

In the furnace of Your fire

My soul, my soul clings to You

My soul, my soul clings to You

Tree63