God’s Undeniable Hand

2/15/11…Just two weeks removed from a complete realigning of my priorities, I stand in amazement at my God. Father, my mind goes to Psalm 1:
 

2 And in His law he meditates day and night. 3 He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.

Oh what an incredible two weeks. I expected nothing but I desired You. I desired to hear You speak to me as only You can. I needed to hear from You. I no longer wanted to listen to what the world said, that it was not possible to hear You. I reclaimed my faith in our intimacy and You have answered beyond measure, yea beyond my expectations. In this short time, through my blog You connected me to an Iranian brother and sister. You have reconnected me with a spiritual brother whom I love with all my heart. You have opened potential doors with two pastors who stoke my fire to love You even more. Indeed, You have given me worship beyond measure. Tell me Father, who else but You can do these wonders in such a short time. To think, only pride stood in the way. Oh Father I felt my pride inside, but I let go and in my utter humility I admitted my failings before You and my wife. I expressed my desire to hear from You. Oh how sweet it is. My wife and I are relishing in Your love in our relationship. I can feel You using me to help guide my son at an important crossroads. I feel You directing me in the fruit that brings You glory. I am emotional. My soul is happy. I feel like a panting deer who has found the water…

Ho! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters

Genesis 8-11: To Go or Not To Go to China

2/3/11…Father, in Genesis chapters 8-11, I muse on two thoughts. The first one is remembrance. As part of remembrance, You create a rainbow reminding us of Your covenant not to flood the earth again. I am struck by traits You gift us with us such as remembrance.

Two, later in chapter 8 You directly talk to Noah and instruct him what to do, but earlier in chapter 8 You do not. What strikes me during this time is Noah has to use his common sense to understand when it was ok to exit the ark. He did this by releasing a raven and a dove into the air, then seeing if either would return or not indicating dry land. You chose not to speak to him directly about what to do which seems to say to me I am given the capacity to make decisions on my own and reason without consulting You regarding every small detail. Indeed every day I am faced with literally hundreds of decisions, from what I will eat, to what I will wear, to how fast I will drive, to how I will interact with others. If I sought You in all these decisions before I made them, I would never make it past my front door every day.

So the question becomes, when do I consult You for decisions in my life and ask for help? Which decisions merit awaiting an answer? Some like accepting a job, or deciding to marry someone, or where to give financially seem like a rational start. And yet I can’t help but think as in my previous entry that “…the desire of the righteous is only good.” So therefore it seems at times You release me to think through a decision, merit if it is for the good, and then make it. If I mess up, I can only humble myself and ask for You to still do good in the circumstance. However, I must say, in the times I felt You speak in my thoughts regarding a decision, such as going to China, the intimacy of submitting to Your will was powerfully reassuring knowing You were directly guiding my steps…And I think back to a fateful morning almost 4 years ago,

8/3/07…What a wonderful morning. At 5:23 am I went prostrate before my Father. I was broken and beaten. I sensed I needed to come to Him in prayer. I let Him know my deepest desires; my desire to stay steadfast, my desire in serving Him and my desire in no longer controlling my life. Then I asked Him please prepare my heart and mind to listen. After a few moments, for the first time in nearly 3 months, I finally heard His voice in thought. The thoughts were free flowing, almost like a dam breaking. There were no interruptions, instead just one stream of continuous thought in the third person. I have felt this before. Time no longer mattered. Incredibly, when I uttered amen, the clock showed 6:30 am.

Afterwards, I reflect on my meditation. He understands. His delight is in me finally coming to Him with a trusting heart. Finally, my mind was in a place to listen. He said this is what He wanted; my hope, my trust, in Him. China is inconsequential. Go ahead and go on the China mission trip. Once I am there, decide to serve the additional six months or decide not to. Either way, I will know. I don’t have to go. All He wants is me. I kept silently asking Him about China and kept getting the same response. Go, don’t go, I will know.

I waited so long to hear from Him I have tears of joy even now as I write. The problem was me. I was not letting go totally nor was I really understanding China in and of itself was not the question to ask. I was thinking on the wrong level. My Father’s silence in my meditations caused me to seek answers elsewhere. Yet when I read books from theologians, no clear answers emerged. Some said wait until I hear God’s voice. Some said proceed on faith. No clear answers emerged from talking with a Christian counselor.  No clear answers emerged from listening to sermons. Some say act, some say do not. Not even the Bible provided a clear answer. The stories of Abraham and Esther provide contrasting answers. With Abraham, God spoke directly to him and Abraham acted. However, in the story of Esther, God did not speak to her, yet she acted on faith. Then there are books and people saying if He is silent don’t act, and at the other end of the spectrum some say act because He wants you to take a step of faith. It’s maddening!!

I cry tears of joy realizing this is the relationship He wants for me. He wants me knowing I am worth His time. Yes there are six billion people in this world, but He wants to be there for me.

There is a sweetness in this moment I can’t even begin to describe. I can’t stop writing because I am trying to capture every intimate detail of this encounter with my Lord. I want to savor every morsel. It is so sweet to hear from Him after going through the desert so long.

So now I have to figure out what I want because here is the great truth; what I want is going to be what He wants. Do you get it? He now knows my only desire is for Him. Therefore He is in me. I think I finally understand a booklet I read by John MacArthur regarding following God’s will. How do you know it’s His will? When to the best of your ability you sanctify yourself from this world, when to the best of your ability you are Spirit filled, and when to the best of your ability you are willing to suffer in His name, then do whatever you want, because my Father is in me and that is all he wants, me.

 

It is good to remember.

They Walked With God

2/2/11… Father, as I read Genesis chapters 4-7, I come across the names of Enoch and Noah. According to Your word, they walked with You. Clearly the mention of these two men greatly pleased You. In Enoch, You were so pleased You took him up to heaven alive. Elijah is the only other man mentioned in Your Word as taken to heaven alive.

 

My mind wonders in thought. What does the phrase “walked with God” mean? I would love reading about their life story, especially Enoch’s. Alas, this desire is not possible. Your Word gives scant details. However, I did read Noah was righteous and You saw he was the only righteous man in his generation. What did he do causing You to give him this accolade? What were his daily decisions in the Toil of this earth? Unlike me who has the blessing of the Bible, Noah did not have this resource in order to gain a more thorough understanding of You. Like me, I am sure Noah faced decisions every day, and so without Your written knowledge, how did he approach these decisions in his generation? Your word says there were times You and Noah talked. I wonder how often. Daily? Weekly? Hourly? Did Noah’s spiritual joy help maintain Your constant presence? If so, oh what a blessing this may have been. Noah was an exception in his time. According to You, in Noah’s generation “every intent of the thoughts of man’s heart was only evil continually.” I wonder if men spoke of You with their lips and mouth but the intent of the heart, as only seen by You, saw how all they did were not honoring to You. What grieved me was reading how sorry You were in creating man and how man grieved You. Our free will caused the emotion of grief in You. Father, I am sorry if I ever grieved You, especially in the times I speak of You with my lips or mouth, but my heart was anything but honoring You.

Oh how I wish I could live up to the accolade given to Noah. How I wish someone would write of me I “walked with God” because what better glory could be given to You than such a comment as this. I am afraid all that can be said at this time is I attempt to walk with You. But oh Father, how special are those seasons when I can feel You closer than my skin, and oh what joy occurs when I am sincerely desiring spending time with You. The wonderful part is, You always meet me in those places, no matter how long my prodigal nature walks away from You. It is only then I realize I have a glimmer, oh just a small hint, of becoming righteous in Your eyes…and my heart wells up in joyous hope.

A meaning of righteousness:

Proverbs 11:23…The desire of the righteous is only good.

Getting Past Page 5

2/1/11…Father, as I read Genesis chapters 1-3, I am struck by one, how You made everything and two, after making Your creations, how You saw they were good. There was something You saw as inherently good in creating something from nothing. As I write these words, I find the same satisfaction. The page is blank and as I type I am creating something into existence. Yes they are only words but I thank You for given me the ability to create.

 

For Your glory I do this, not knowing if all these words I continue to write will simply return to the dust or if You will use them in a way I never could have foreseen. Once again I must expect nothing and yet in Your power expect everything.

 

Father I also am struck by how soon everything good You created turned into something it was not intended for. It only took 5 pages. I cringe at this thought. There are 2,025 pages in my Bible. On page 5, everything comes crashing to an end. What does this say about Your creations? What does this say about me?

 

Father, what were You thinking when this happened? As all knowing, You already knew on page 5 everything would come crashing down, and yet You still created us. My mind wonders why. The rest of the Bible is filled with pain, longing, and strife. Your Word is filled with doom, tales of self-destruction, and tales of sin leading to emptiness. In Your mercy, time after time You offer hope, redemption, and peace beyond the earth You placed us on. The totality of the Bible speaks of the depravity of our nature. And yet at times, there are glimpses of beauty. I am reminded of a woman in the book of Luke. In her free will she 

 

…began to wash (Your) feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed (Your) feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil.

 

Indeed. Maybe, in our free will, there is something beyond page 5. Something we do not always see in ourselves.

Priorities out of whack...

1/31/11…Something has been buggin me. Something is not quite right. Something is out of sorts. Hmmm…that something I believe is me. What happened? I suppose I could write a short book about that, but for now I think I need to address what is going on with me; my priorities are out of whack. When I put some categories down on a spreadsheet and ranked where I was currently at versus where it should be, the result was not exactly something I want to brag about;

Presently	What it should be
Work	God
TV	Marriage
House	Son
Marriage	Friends
Finances	Exercise
God	Serve
Son	Finances
Friends	Work
Serve	House
Exercise	TV

Regarding “what it should be,” I could make the case for switching exercise and friends, at least until I once again am healthy, or even moving serve up the list ahead of friends, but other than these three, I think the list of “what it should be” is fairly accurate regarding the top third, the middle third, and the bottom third. However the reality I am living in is represented by the “present” list. Even with this list, I could argue switching a couple of those around, but the bottom line is the top third, the middle third, and the bottom third are once again fairly accurate. The result is this. I am a person who is not too content most of the time, is prone to days of sullenness and pessimism, and in general is not building relationships or serving others. That’s a pretty bleak picture if I do not change. Notice I said I. I is the one who can make the decisions. I is the one who can yield to God. God is the one who will bring fruit back into my life, not me. If I continue down the path I am on, my fruit is only superficial and serves only selfish purposes, even though I may put on a real good front. But one thing I have learned over all those years of not making God numero uno is this; putting on a real good front is exhausting. It is better for me to swallow my pride, admit my failings, and ask for help, both from God and others. Only then can I begin making the correct decisions.

Jesus and Regions

1/12/11…Sometimes when looking at a photo, one must look a little closer. This photo was taken a while back in downtown Jackson, Mississippi. If you look close enough, one can see a mosaic of Jesus in the bottom left hand corner. The mosaic at the time was being restored along with the rest of the church. What struck me though was the building in the background in the right hand side of the photograph. If you look close enough you will notice…it is Region’s Bank. The dichotomy presented here was too good to pass up as a photo opportunity. Why? Because not more than a ½ mile away from the towering Regions bank, there exist poverty, drug addicts, street prostitutes, and the homeless. Most of the people who work at Regions are probably not filthy rich, just the bank executives. What they do with their money is only known by them, but I cannot help but wonder about the parallels in Jesus life. Not only was He in the middle of those who had nothing, He was in the middle of those who had much. And here He is in Jackson, Mississippi; in the middle of a downtown area where poverty and richness co-exist together. Jesus makes Himself available to both poor and rich in different ways; to one He offers hope beyond this world, and to the other He offers a path to help them realize losing their life for His sake means finding life.

One of the other reasons this photograph works so well, at least to me, is the timing of the sun setting above Jesus. When I look at this photo, this is what my eye seems to pick up on. Only after I notice the light do I notice the mosaic of Jesus and then Regions bank in the background. Then my eye seems to return to the light, and I soon think of the words to the song “Come Awake” by David Crowder. And I sing…

 

Light will shine!!!

Love will rise!!!

 

 

This post dedicated to my brothers and sisters in Jackson who continue to let their light shine and their love rise.