Part 13 of 18: Miss Dorothy

2/25/09…

I’m giving everything to God

I’m giving everything to God

I’m giving everything to God

He’s given everything to me

Desperation Band

Father, I do not feel like going down to the lonely streets of Jackson tonight. Because I feel so distant from You, I would rather spend tonight in study and prayer. And yet in some unknown way You speak to me and say go. Somehow You know time spent tonight in prayer and reading the Bible is not going to do either one of us any good. Somehow You know what is going to glorify You tonight is for me to go. So I go. But I am not happy about it. And I tell You, the only reason I am going is because you have given everything to me, so I want to give back to You. Just so You know though, I am going somewhat reluctantly and if You want to use me, well then that is up to You.

The night air is warm and humid. The streets of Jackson are the same as last week, pot holed and wrinkled from the unstable Yazoo clay. We stop at Miss Dorothy’s house on the way to our final destination, the Opportunity Center. Uncharacteristically she greets us at the door so we enter in. We deliver some food and towels and I take a seat next to her on her couch. In front of me are the butts of cigarettes, salt and pepper shakers, some type of sauce, and honestly just a whole host of stuff spread everywhere. In her cramped living room, clutter abounds. Her side of the duplex house is like all the other houses in the neighborhood; run down from the lack of maintenance, both inside and outside. Furthermore, her neighborhood is not safe. On several occasions, street prostitutes make their way over from the adjoining street asking us for food or clothing. Knowing the neighborhood is not safe, every week Bob F. makes sure he prays to God regarding Miss Dorothy and asks Him to “place a hedge of protection” around her. She is very appreciative of not only our prayers but our short time spent with her and liberally gives out “wet” kisses on the cheek upon our departure. In fact I am proud to say I have been the recipient of a few wet kisses. However it is Andre, one of our other street ministry team members, that remains her favorite. Before he even enters her house, he already knows kisses will be given freely from her. We just laugh at him and tease him to no end about this.

As we settle in, Miss Dorothy begins to share some of her troubles regarding her brother LeeRoy who is a double amputee. In some earlier conversations with Bob F., he shares when LeeRoy was younger, a run-in with law enforcement resulted in cuffs being placed on his legs. Apparently law enforcement handled LeeRoy roughly. The cuffs they placed on his legs were so tight it ended up causing an infection resulting in the need for amputating his legs. Whether this is true or not Bob is not sure but I am too fearful to ask LeeRoy directly. All I know is it has caused a lot of resentment in LeeRoy’s eyes to the world around him and this resentment seems to lash out at others at times, even with his sister Miss Dorothy. Seems lately he is directing a lot of his anger towards her. As we sit and listen to her, I realize this is a little unusual for her to unload on us like this. Clearly she has been holding it in for our arrival. As I lean in to focus on what she is saying, I feel an unusual calm fill the room. After she is done, we all hold hands and pray for her and in this moment it is clear that Miss Dorothy is comforted by our presence. It is amazing to me how 5 or 10 minutes of visitation brings comfort to someone. She tells us our short time together has done a world of good for her. And so my blasé attitude about tonight softens, and I realize just sitting there listening for 5 minutes did more glory for God than any knowledge I could have gained in hours of Bible study back at home. Thank You God…

A Stained Incredible Lineage

2/23/09…This is incredible. I thought to myself, what can I learn by reading the genealogy of Christ at the start of Matthew? And then truth is revealed. In Jesus Christ, our Savior’s lineage on the female side was in part from Tamar, a Canaanite woman who posed as a prostitute to seduce Judah, Rahab who was a Gentile and a prostitute, Bathsheba who committed adultery with David, and Mary who in everyone’s eyes conceived Jesus outside of wedlock.. Our omnipotent and holy Lord’s lineage was from those whom society looked down upon and it was a lineage stained in sexual sin, both in His eyes and the world’s eyes. From the broken lives rose up a Savior to save us all; I think it speaks volumes that Jesus Christ’s lineage was not from the holiest of holies or from the righteous of righteous. True, the Immaculate Conception was pure, but the lineage was stained.

The interesting thing about this line of thought is tying this all back to the Old Testament and how it all connects. When reading the Old Testament on its own, we may wonder why are the stories of these particular characters shared? It is only when we get to the very start of Matthew that we fully understand these real stories of real people in the Old Testament were the lineage of Jesus Christ all the way to Mary. This was His family history, a dysfunctional family.

This just makes me want to fall down and worship Him with all my might. He made it a point to come from one of us so we could relate to Him. Why? Because as a living example he wanted to show us how much beauty can arise from so much dysfunction. This speaks of a love and compassion of which I have no words for. Our Holy Father choosing to come from one of us; why indeed would he do this if not for the all consuming love He has for us?

Oh my Savior, my God, my Love, how can I ever repay You for Your sacrifice? You did this just so I would know You understand me, and how broken I am, and how stained I am, and You humbled Yourself by sharing Your own family history in all of its dysfunction. And now Your real beauty shines as You show me the beauty that can arise from the depths of such brokenness… Father, I pray our homeless friends may understand there is beauty within the dysfunction of their lives and their Savior, our Savior knows this because His beauty came from dysfunction. Indeed, I am stunned by the depth of this truth.

Part 12 of 18: On the Street

2/21/09…When I say street ministry, what comes to one’s mind? I never gave this much thought until someone close to me imagined the exact opposite of what the Jackson Street Ministry team does, and then I realized there is a stereotype out there. Over and over again, when I speak of this ministry, people picture me with a megaphone on the sidewalk yelling at people to convert to God or go to Hell. In some minds, I am waving my Bible high into the air and preaching fire and brimstone to anyone who will listen. It is amazing to me that this stereotype exists and yet it does, I guess due in part to those who have and are doing it to this day. I suppose there is a place for this but for us this is so far removed from what we actually do. Our purpose is to show love by building relationships with others. Our purpose is to truly care for those who cross our paths. Then if the Holy Spirit guides, then we share what God’s redemption has done for us. I am not sure you can love or build relationships with someone by continually yelling at them. Instead this is our desire; to serve our God and make ourselves available for His glory.

Prelude: Part 12 of 18

2/21/09…I am still astounded at these odds. In the entire Jackson, Mississippi metro area, including Clinton, Byram, Ridgeland, Madison, Raymond, there are hundreds of thousands of people. Against this backdrop I end up buying a house of which I am now selling because my Lord has shown me to undo my yoke, yet when I prayed to Him about buying this one versus another one, somehow He guided me in my thoughts to buy this one. For months I was despondent because my fire for serving my Lord was put on hold. But I kept searching and seeking Him through His Word and little did I understand that He was first working on changing my heart and direction. I had no idea. And at the perfect moment when He realized I was open for growth, I cross paths with Bob, my neighbor who lives across the street. After my Lord showed me His heart, to feed the hungry, to care for those in need, to help the afflicted souls, He introduced me to Bob, and Bob shared his heart with me as he talked about the street ministry he is involved in to tend to the homeless, poor, down and out, and indigent. My jaw dropped as I realize this is exactly, I mean exactly the avenue my heart was searching for…

And here in an area of hundreds of thousands, I happen to buy the house across the street from a neighbor who is 1 of only about 40 people who is involved in this specialized type of ministry.

Postlude 1/30/11…When I read this entry from almost two years ago, my thoughts roam to words such as faith, relationship, and passion. There are times when it feels undeniable that God is guiding me, and there are times when I wonder. Indeed, what are the odds in what I wrote above?

The Ten Commandments Test

2/20/09…No problem, all I have to do is keep the Ten Commandments. Well let me see how I am doing so far over the course of my life…

1. You shall have no other gods before Me.

0 for 1
Why? Success, money, self, golf, etc.

2. You shall not make for yourself a carved image, any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth below, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them.

I am pretty sure I have not done this one…
1 for 2

3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.

1 for 3

4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work.

1 for 4

5. Honor your father and your mother.

1 for 5

6. You shall not murder.

Alright, I have not done that.
2 for 6

Oops, I forgot. In Matthew, Christ says “Whoever is angry with his brother without a cause…”
Back to 1 for 6

7. You shall not commit adultery.

1 for 7
In Matthew, Christ says “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Still 1 for 7 Hmmm...

8. You shall not steal.

It’s ok to take home office supplies like paper clips, right?
1 for 8

Is there any hope for me?


9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

1 for 9

10. You shall not covet.

1 for 10



1 for 10, no wonder I need grace…