12/25/08…Your Son was born today in a manger and He was born homeless. Is this true? If it is, I am absolutely stupefied by the irony…Jesus, our Creator, our Redeemer, our Alpha, and our Omega was born into this world as a homeless person!
Father, my thoughts wonder from this to this past Wednesday. Is it not true apathy is a layered emotion or feeling? We see the homeless, the poor, and we reach out to them because we sense the apathy of the world towards them. You show us how to love and care for those less fortunate than us. And yet as we minister to them, week in and week out, we become beat down and worn, and apathy begins arising. The very apathy we judged the world with points its burning finger right back at us and now we want to become the judge. When we see Eddie, a poor man but one who has a home coming to meet us every week, and every week he collects clothing, and towels, and socks, and we ask why? Surely he has enough by now. When every week we see the vans of our door swing open, and those who come claw their way to us, vying for a position so they can obtain the help. At times it seems like a crowd of vultures. At times it seems like the strong versus the weak and the strong seem to hoard the hand-outs. Week in and week out we see this. We try to meet their needs but so many times the true homeless and those in need are pushed aside by the swelling of a crowd. Unable to truly discern, we are left with a feeble attempt to control the crowd and handout good will. Yet, there are times when we are unable to engage them for the most important handout, a question for their souls.
And yet through all of this, You seem to arrive and show me just one solitary connection each week. This past week it was Daniel. He is a true homeless person who is mentally crazy. He is old, balding, and gray hair dots his black scalp. Tonight Father was tough. The crowd was almost out of control and demanding. My soul felt useless. Then towards the waning end of the night, You have Daniel approach me from seemingly nowhere. He is deranged and I can barely understand what he says as his eyes grow wide in a crazy stare at me. He says he went to Harvard, he went to Yale, he went to Notre Dame, and he tells me tales of such preposterous outcomes, I get lost in his maze of delusion. He can barely hold his sweat pants up and the entire time he is talking, one of his hands is on his pants to keep them from falling down. In his other hand he has a shirt he obtained as a handout. Tonight is going to be cold and I ask him does he want me to help him put it on? He says yes. Barely able to stand up straight, he loses his grip on his pants and proceeds to show his naked body to those all around. I am speechless. I simply say “Daniel, you have lost your pants.” He mutters some words and proceeds to pick his too large sweat pants off the ground and put them back on, oblivious to the fact he just showed his penis to everyone around him.
I grab his things and with my other free arm I help him take off his jacket. He is not very flexible and his arms are rigid. I slowly help him put his red shirt on by grabbing the shirt and placing it over his head. Then gently I help him put his arms into each sleeve and then grab the front and back of the shirt and pull it down over his body. After this, I help him put his jacket back on. I notice he has nothing for his head and I tell him to wait as I hastily walk back to the van and grab a knitted toboggan out of my knapsack. Hurriedly I make my way back to him and in that moment I feel something I have rarely felt in my life; caring for someone who cannot care for themselves. Lovingly I take the toboggan and as he bends over slightly and mumbles words I cannot understand, I place it on his head and ever so gently pull it down over his ears. I truly make sure it is a warm and snug fit on his head because tonight is going to be cold.
As the night ends, we leave Daniel. As our van pulls out of the parking lot, I see this delusional shell of a man hugging the masonry wall of the Opportunity Center, and in the dark of the night, I see him peeing on the wall.
Oh Father, what will happen to Daniel? He is a human but he has no concept of who You are and he never will. He is a true homeless person in every sense of the word, even to the degree that his soul has no home. I pray one day You may receive his soul into Your kingdom and bestow upon him a degree from Harvard and Yale. And I thank You for encouraging me to continue reaching out even when I become weary from doing good, and I thank You for not letting myself judge, with apathy, those who may not need help. It is not my place. You are always there to show me why I am there and it goes beyond my ways. Doing this act of kindness for Daniel was nothing more than Your glory manifested in me and it was only for Your glory. You are the one who directed Daniel to walk over to me and begin his delusional talking but You already knew the purpose, and You wanted to show me something beyond myself, of what I am capable of when I truly am seeking to honor You.
Father, I pray for Daniel. I pray You will protect Daniel as his flesh and his soul carry out the days with no home to go to…
No comments:
Post a Comment