Hope Deferred

12/14/08… Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life”…Father, You pointed me to this passage at a perfect time…at first, I was a little unsure of what the second part meant and what You are trying to say…I tried to lean on my own understanding but could not grasp its eloquent depth…then, You pointed me to Proverbs 13:4, “The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich”…is this not true? I have become lazy in my study and prayer towards You, particularly in listening to You…I am no longer sure if it is You speaking to me because of my failure to full heartedly trust in You…therefore my desire to draw closer to You is resulting in nothing…and yet this morning when I quieted my mind the best I knew how, even with a dog barking in the distance, and the hum of a computer, You faintly spoke to me, oh so faintly…in my thoughts You lovingly said You will not reward the faint of heart…and then Your passage became clear…place my hope back in You with all my heart, soul, and mind…diligently pursue You in study, prayer, journaling, and most of all listening…this hope deferred will make my heart sick as I wait on You, but I know too well over the last 2 years that when the desire comes, to feel You once again closer than my skin, then my life will become that of a tree bearing fruit in Your name…Thanks be to You Father for your breathed words of life…