9/19/11…Are you a Christian? This question continues haunting me. I was not ready for it, I stumbled in my response, and I now regret my lack of preparation for such a life-changing question such as this. A co-worker in Adelaide, Australia asked this question of me over dinner with another co-worker. Over time I have prayed to God to help me be in the moment and witness to someone when the time presented itself. Sadly, I believe due to my spiritual loss of intimacy with my Father during this season, I was not prepared.
Despite my lack of preparation, I did give a response. I bowed my head and admitted I was a very flawed Christian. Not much of an answer, although how true it is.
I now wish this is the answer I had given:
“Humbly I offer you this answer. The word Christian has so many different connotations that I hesitate to say I am. If by Christian you mean someone who realizes how flawed they really are, then I am. If by Christian you mean someone who is trying to learn to love others whom sometimes do not want to be loved, then I am. If by chance you mean someone who is struggling to try and give away all their excess money and possessions and against all reason do this against what the entire world would tell me not to do, then I am. If by Christian you mean someone who is holding onto hope that there is a better world than this, then I am. This hope is the only thing that satisfies my soul because I have chased all this world has to offer and in the end, there is no comparing the hollowness the world offers versus the inherent joy Christ offers.
To be a follower of the Way is the most difficult and paradoxical journey of my life. There is nothing easy about declaring myself a Christ follower, and only by Grace am I even able to make such a proclamation. What I do know is this. This world only brings me temporary happiness and contentment. Eventually I am always left aching for something more. Always something more.
But oh, how following my Lord brings such lasting joy to my spirit! When I read the Bible in its entirety, I find the beauty of God undeniable. Although my mind still longs for answers to all my questions, my soul is letting go of the need to know. And what I have come to believe, because in the end it is a matter of faith, is I was meant for more than just living in this broken world and then dying. I also have concluded millions upon millions of people before me have come to the same conclusion, including a number of brilliant scholars and scientists. Surely all of us cannot be so wrong.
By the grace of God, yes I am a Christian, but I am working out what this journey of the Way means…with fear and with trembling.”
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