An Australian Question…

9/19/11…Are you a Christian? This question continues haunting me. I was not ready for it, I stumbled in my response, and I now regret my lack of preparation for such a life-changing question such as this. A co-worker in Adelaide, Australia asked this question of me over dinner with another co-worker. Over time I have prayed to God to help me be in the moment and witness to someone when the time presented itself. Sadly, I believe due to my spiritual loss of intimacy with my Father during this season, I was not prepared.

Despite my lack of preparation, I did give a response. I bowed my head and admitted I was a very flawed Christian. Not much of an answer, although how true it is.

I now wish this is the answer I had given: 

“Humbly I offer you this answer. The word Christian has so many different connotations that I hesitate to say I am. If by Christian you mean someone who realizes how flawed they really are, then I am. If by Christian you mean someone who is trying to learn to love others whom sometimes do not want to be loved, then I am. If by chance you mean someone who is struggling to try and give away all their excess money and possessions and against all reason do this against what the entire world would tell me not to do, then I am. If by Christian you mean someone who is holding onto hope that there is a better world than this, then I am. This hope is the only thing that satisfies my soul because I have chased all this world has to offer and in the end, there is no comparing the hollowness the world offers versus the inherent joy Christ offers.

To be a follower of the Way is the most difficult and paradoxical journey of my life. There is nothing easy about declaring myself a Christ follower, and only by Grace am I even able to make such a proclamation. What I do know is this. This world only brings me temporary happiness and contentment. Eventually I am always left aching for something more. Always something more.

But oh, how following my Lord brings such lasting joy to my spirit! When I read the Bible in its entirety, I find the beauty of God undeniable. Although my mind still longs for answers to all my questions, my soul is letting go of the need to know. And what I have come to believe, because in the end it is a matter of faith, is I was meant for more than just living in this broken world and then dying. I also have concluded millions upon millions of people before me have come to the same conclusion, including a number of brilliant scholars and scientists. Surely all of us cannot be so wrong.

By the grace of God, yes I am a Christian, but I am working out what this journey of the Way means…with fear and with trembling.”

Numbers

9/15/11…Oh Father, as I read Your Word in Numbers I pray for your Spirit to speak to me if it is Your will. What impresses upon me as I close my eyes and reflect on the first fifteen chapters is this. You become angered and hurt when Your people complain, doubt, or become disobedient. After two years in the Wilderness of Sinai and then Paran, forgetfulness creeps in, a wish for more creeps in, and soon they forget all the miracles You performed for them. Every day they see the cloud above the tabernacle and every night they see the fire above the tabernacle guiding them. Surely they know it is You. But alas even Your presence among them does not satisfy. I am sure You must wonder why. What else can You do if even Your presence is rejected by Your people in complaints, doubt, and disobedience. And I find my life is much the same. Oh Father! Let me fear You, let me respect You as a man’s soul desires respect, and let me not complain, doubt, or continually be disobedient to Your guidance.

Caleb and Joshua had faith in You. And You blessed them. Not because they were after a reward, but because they had faith in Your promises and rose to speak up in Your name even when the people threatened to stone them. Oh what another lesson to learn from these two followers of the Way.

Nothing pollinates my soul like…

9/12/11…Father, I praise You for Your Word and how Your Word nourishes me. I just want to read and study and not be worried by the toil this world requires. Oh how sweet it is to gain knowledge and know the Spirit of Your truth speaks to the depth of my soul.

In Leviticus 26, I come across a passage which speaks of Your soul and I am immediately struck by this. Twice, You say “My soul”. Is the soul within me a tiny sliver of the soul in You? Or is it more of a reflection? I am not sure but I am struck by the fact You make reference to Your soul. Somehow I feel closer to You knowing this. Knowing I may contain even the tiniest sliver of the glory that is You uplifts me. Maybe this is what Christ in me means. A piece of You is in me, even amongst the evilness and selfishness wanting to dominate this human form of mine. My body continually desires things of this world and I continually fight against this. However, the only cure is daily, daily, daily nourishment in You. I can’t go a day without Your word without my soul withering. Truly the Bible is the Holy Spirit’s inspired words of truth pollinating me.

Nothing pollinates my soul like You.