5/15/09…At 5:12 am, I woke up. This is unusual for me, especially since I went to bed at 12:03 am, and yet Father I had a dream of a funeral for my Grandma Caines. And in this funeral there were those who were asked to play music for her and speak on her behalf and yet they truly did not know her, so instead those who did know her spoke up…and I could see the cackling hens making their presence known (note: cackling hens were a term of endearment given to my three aunts and my mom).
And now it seems You gave me a gift of words to write if only I am willing to lose some sleep and sit down and type, so I thank You.
In my dream, I saw myself standing in front of the family. I could see their faces. You then help me use my imagination to imagine what heaven will be like. It will not be grief when we meet our loved ones on the other side, instead it will be the gift of memory. In our flawed selves, we tend to lose memory over time, and yet maybe we do not. Louie Giglio, a renowned preacher passionate to connect in a meaningful way, said once in a message that there are trillions of cells in our bodies. And yet our minds have trouble grasping a number such as a trillion.
The perspective he offered was this…a million seconds ago, 12 days ago…my mind can grasp this number. A billion seconds ago however, try the year 1975. Now my mind begins to strain somewhat in comprehension. At a trillion though is when my mind begins to lose its grasp of such a number because a trillion seconds ago, try the year 29,700 Before Christ.
Our bodies contain trillions of cells. I wonder how many of those trillions are dedicated to memory.
Indeed Father, I wonder about memory, and what is our memory. What causes us to remember climbing on a sycamore tree, or watching Eric dip his face in a wheelbarrow of black mud, or seeing Avery catching a lizard, or sitting in Grandpa’s old Ford pickup truck on the way to get a treat? Each of the family, whether it be Aunt Loretta or cousin Penny or sister Tina have different memories of Grandma Caines, different memories of her house, and different memories of Loris, South Carolina. I wonder if each of those little memories is stored as a living cell in our brain. With trillions of cells in our bodies, I guess it is possible, but I do not know. Oh Father, for some reason You created us so we remember, why is that? You also created us so we forget, why is that? Yes, memory is there all our lives but it tends to lose the vivid detail over time. Is this not true? A fresh memory for us is colorful, vibrant and alive. A distant memory is one of fondness but a gradual hazing of detail. All we know is it makes us feel good to still hold onto a remnant of a good memory. The freshness is like a fresh tomato spot on our shirt that we laugh about. With enough time and a good detergent stick, we can wipe the spot away, but yet is it not true with a tomato spot, there is still a faint remnant there that is hard to totally erase…
My mind jumps back to the dream.
And in my dream, Grandma Caines died. All we have as the family are our memories and our hope of seeing her one day in heaven. These are the words You seem to have me writing now. I wonder if they hold true. When our time comes, and we die, when I die, I imagine myself suddenly in the presence of heaven, and in my mind all I can imagine is a lot of shining white brightness and a glow. I imagine an unbelievable calmness like sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake where no wind is blowing and no ripples in the water are present. The lake is so calm one might be tempted to step out of the boat and walk on the water.
Then I see Grandma Caines in the distance. I see her as Grandma, because I think You will have each of us see her in the way we knew her. Uncle Royce will see her as Mom, Avery will see her as Great Grandma, and yet she will not be just that way. She will also be young, and vibrant, and glowing. And in that instant I believe there will be a flood, not of water, but of memory. Every memory of her not only with us, but every good memory she had in her entire life will suddenly meld with our memory of her, so we get to see not only who she was with us, but we see the complete her, who she was with every person that crossed paths with her, both here on earth and there with You. Our good memories will connect us in a web that is so wonderfully intricate, we cannot fathom the possibilities and how far reaching it will be. Can one imagine such a moment as this? Everything that is good and is of You all in one glorious awakening. Dare I say trillions of memory cells will be present when we meet, and the good is so good, it envelopes us with a joy so immense we can barely contain ourselves. Maybe that is why Your will for our lives is to do good to glorify You. In one incredible moment, our collective memories embedded deep in our cells suddenly come back to life and connect us in a way we never knew was possible.
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