Despondency and Blessing

Side 1 Despondency

What happens when someone uses you to get boots, only to resell them for money? What happens when someone mocks you? What happens when someone verbally encourages others to use you for all your worth? What happens when you realize someone wants to be on the streets because it is the only life they know and there is nothing you can do about it? What happens when you realize family members, after years of trying, finally deserted someone because of an addiction and once again, there is nothing you can do about it because this person is unable to overcome the throes of addiction? What happens when many nights you are the only one from the church you attend who goes? What happens when the food you bring is scoffed at by those you are serving? What happens when someone fights their way for handouts and you realize they are not in need? What happens when someone who is in need is left standing with nothing?

Side 2 Blessing

What happens when Miss Dorothy is glad to see you? What happens when someone who has nothing interrupts you to say they will pray for you instead of you them? What happens when someone is glad to see you? What happens when someone who has nothing, sincerely says thanks with tears in their eyes when given something? What happens when someone who has nothing suddenly breaks out quoting more scripture in 5 minutes than you have learned in a lifetime? What happens when someone you cared for dies? What happens when you notice a spark in someone’s eye and a curiosity about why we are there? What happens when denominations no longer matter and brothers and sisters serve next to each other? What happens when we do not see the color of each other’s skin? What happens when worship occurs in the darkest part of a city, and not in the comfort of a pew?

Returning to the Streets of Jackson

12/30/10…As always, when I lay down my expectations and submit to God’s will, I am rarely let down by the results or even lack of because God does not seem to measure my results as much as my growth. Today as I wake up, I feel a little more energized, a little more encouraged, and a little more connected.

 

Last night, I saw each of them. A smile came across my face. They reached out to shake my hand, every one of them. No my brothers and sisters, our reunion deserves more in this journey we are on. I bear hugged each one of them and held on a little longer than normal protocol dictates and squeezed a little more than normal protocol dictates. With my hug, I wanted each of them to know how much I love them and their heart. I wanted to encourage.

Bridgett

Bob

Kristi

Bob F.

Michael

Malcolm

Gerry P.

 

These are the brothers and sisters God blessed me with in Jackson, Mississippi. They serve consistently and beyond the normal Wednesday outreach. Oh Father, thank you for them. Unknowingly, the impact they have had on me has taken me by surprise. Our friendships are on a different level and they are not in the classic sense. There was as much joy in my eyes in seeing them as I sensed in their eyes in seeing me. Our time was not as much measured in amount as it was in a common bond, somehow knowing we will play catch up in the life beyond this one. There was peace in knowing this.

 

As the night progresses, darkness covers the inner city of Jackson. In the parking lot of the Opportunity Center, a name in irony, I see my brothers and sisters do what they do. Each is in their own little group engaged in conversations with those who are addicted, mentally unstable, scamming, lonely, searching and a myriad of other reasons which none of us may know. The fire within me is stoked a little more. The joy makes me give a little smile. I am not so much proud of my brothers and sisters as I am honored to be in their presence. Against a lot of odds and against a lot of naysayers, my friends are serving God in a place most would not go. To love without expecting anything in return is the purest form of love. It is rarely reached.

Returning to the Streets of Jackson

12/29/10…She had the same look I had when I first went down, and when my son Avery first went down. Her night started with a hug from Miss Dorothy, an encounter she readily admits was one of the highlights of the evening. At the end of the night, there was a glow. I think she said it best when she said,

“I felt a sparkle inside me that made me want to do so much more, for those people who have needs. I guess I did not know that desire was there, or maybe it still was and it just had not come out in a while.”

Her memory takes her back; in High School, she went on two separate mission trips to Sonoyta, Mexico. Their purpose was to help build an addition to an orphanage. The experience was eye opening because she had never been around people who had absolutely nothing. Even though she grew up poor, her family was rich compared to those in Mexico she came across. Those in this part of Mexico did not know where their next meal was coming from. Although there was a language barrier, they were able to connect through volleyball and nightly revival that went on for hours into the night. Remembrance of a family that smelled so bad and were covered in flies in the revival service is burned in her memory. At that time, her sheltered life suddenly became unsheltered.

 

And then life continued…And now after all those years, she hops out of a van at the Opportunity Center. Hours before she did not know what to expect. She readily admits her nervousness before coming and even says she was a little afraid. After all, the inner city of Jackson after nightfall has a dark reputation. Murders are not optional, just expected, and the question is not if murders will happen but how many by the end of the year. Drugs are prevalent. Even street prostitutes at times are seen emerging from the shadows.

 

After the night ended, she said she felt like she had been reintroduced to something that she experienced on her mission trips to Mexico, and it had been a long time. And yet the streets we visited tonight were only two hours from Sumrall, Mississippi, her home town. Seeing what she saw in Jackson tonight made her realize there are people with needs and they are everywhere, not just in Mexico. Her silence speaks volumes as we drive back to the delta. A distant look out the side of the window, somehow trying to process emotions, somehow feeling a glow once again…

 

“What I marvel at were the people who were willing to visit with us and tell us what was going on in their lives, telling us a little bit about their life, their art, and just sharing of themselves. Even though we came from different socio-economic backgrounds, it felt like we were all the same for a little while.”

Returning to the Streets of Jackson

12/29/10…Last night, Melody and I drove up from Sumrall, Mississippi to Jackson, Mississippi to meet our brothers and sisters in Christ who serve in the cold desolate streets. For me, I placed no expectations on this visit, other than realizing sometimes losing sleep is a good thing. For Melody, she wanted to experience the street ministry first hand. She had heard and read stories of my experiences and wanted to better understand what her husband was going through in his journey with Christ.

 

However, the one hope I had was meeting Terry. I wrote about him in a previous Christmas blog entry (link). After Bob texted me that Terry wanted to see me when I came down to Mississippi, I felt compelled to go. After all, serving God is easy when it is comfortable and convenient, but I think He wants me stepping out of my comfort and convenience more and more. It seems the times I can feel Him more are the times I am stepping out in faith and serving, letting Him know I am going for His glory, and if He desires to use me, then I am present. There is something transcending when I am going for God to use me versus me going in my own power. When I lay it all down before Him, I am giving in to expectations. I realize there are no guarantees in the outcome. Therefore something great and wonderful may happen, but equally something great and wonderful may happen because nothing happens. Once again, a spiritual paradox presents itself when I strive to do good to glorify my Father.

 

Such is the case with meeting Terry tonight.

 

But…Terry did not show.