Meteor Shower

4/8/09…Father, I thank you for my friend because he taught me a lesson in life that to this day I still hold close to my heart. Seize the moment, because life is meant to live. These words he never uttered to me, but he showed me in action. At first I was too dumb to realize his approach to life, and sometimes I thought it was silly, irrational, wasteful, and any number of things of whom someone like me with a practical bent could say. And then one day, I realized how much of life I had been missing out on, how much better it is to lose sleep sometimes. And you Father taught me risk, living life is about taking risks for You because when we do is when You reveal Your glory of blessings to us. For having faith in You, and believing even in the desert that somehow someway You will come through for us…

And so my friend asks me if I would like to see the shooting stars. There is a meteor shower occurring that night that he heard about. I said, sure, “what time will it occur?” He responds, “3am.” What!! I say, 3am!!! Part of me said, I am not getting up at 3am to watch shooting stars, I really would rather sleep. But then Father, somehow even when I was not walking with You during this time, You nudged me to get out of a comfort zone, to get out of bed. So I said yes, wake me up at 3am so I can watch the shooting stars and at 3am he did wake me up along with his wife and two sons. Groggily I walked outside in the crisp cool night air and looked up…and behold it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. The shooting stars were coming from everywhere. It looked as if You were painting white lines in the sky…and I stood there in awe, my soul elevated because of the beauty I was witnessing. Somehow sleep did not seem so important anymore. And as the moment passed, never to return again for eternity, my soul still remembers and reminds me to this day, to seize the moment…

Listening

3/22/09…It seems when I wait to actually hear from God that His timing is always perfect…It seems when I do not hear from Him and do not act on something that I am asking for or is weighing on my mind, it always works out without me forcing it…It seems when I go to Him in prayer for a decision or request, I receive more peace regarding the matter…It seems when I become impatient and run ahead I make a mess of things, but sometimes it is so hard waiting…So why do I still not trust, and I still doubt, and I still have trouble praying to Him and really listening to what He would say or more importantly not say?

Can I Lie Here?

3/22/09…Father, I ponder this idea of service. Somehow, I feel I have come around in a circle on this matter. Oh, how my heart is on fire to serve You. However, over time I feel this idea of service has overtaken our relationship. At the end of the day, I am sure You do not want to lose relationship with me, but how do I balance this? I love writing these reflections to You and musing in who You are because writing helps me feel You in a different way. However, I must admit this sometimes substitutes for prayer and even more importantly quieting my mind and listening to You. Thus my dilemma…is this good?

Service

Writing

Prayer

Listening

Study

Do You look at these avenues equally? Father I have to assume intimacy in relationship is what You truly desire from me. Do You get this from my writing? I wonder. I do find this to be true; the closer I draw to You the more I want to serve You. Alas though there does not seem enough time in the day to do all these words I wrote above, and because of this, I sometimes feel frustrated. It feels like I have to continue to strive, and strive, and strive. I seem to be always striving for relationship and now I am also striving in service. At times I just want to be still and know You are my God. And to my mind a verse spoken by Jesus envelopes me “For my yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” I just want to rest…