9/16/2013…Oh my! I realize my last blog entry was so long ago. My head hangs. My gut expands and not in breath. I have sought comfort in things not of God because I am stuck. Seems my only instant gratification consisted of this world. Is it not true I am allowing the thorns of this world to choke me out?
Late last summer, I was breezing through the Old Testament at a moderate pace and then I came across Job. For three months, I could not get past this book. It was as if the Spirit in my mind said hold on, stop, embrace. My feeble attempts to move on resulted in unfocused study and rambling short prayers. And so I would go back to Job, read some, and then try to move on. I repeated this over and over to no avail. Unfortunately, no measure of peace in my mind allowed me to move on. And then, I stopped. Everything stopped. Fifteen months later, I now sit down and write words in hope of an answer.
This is my confession. In Job, God allowed Satan to take everything away from him. The writer responds, “in all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.” Further, Satan then infected Job with boils from head to toe. Job’s response, “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” The writer adds, “…in all this Job did not sin with his lips.”
You may ask, what is my confession? It is this. If God took all away from me today, I fear I would not respond as Job did. After all God has done for me, I feel shame. I realize maybe I did not learn anything from my previous test in Mississippi. Almost two years into a move which raised me to new spiritual heights and yet pressed on me beyond what I thought I could handle, I charged God with questioning doubt and I sinned. I also feel I sinned with my lips to my Creator. And maybe this is why Job hits home so much. I can relate to parts of his story. Near the end of the Book of Job, God calls into question Job, and this could easily be me. God says, “Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me.” God goes on a rant, and I mean this in the best way, because this is what Job and myself need to hear. We are put in our place as creatures created by One who is under no obligation to explain rationale or reason. After all, we created nothing. In my feeble attempts, I only create these words because of the same challenge God gives to Job, “Who has put wisdom in the mind? Or who has given understanding to the heart?”
Of nothing I have done of my own accord. My best is nothing in God’s sight. And yet the paradox, is He wants me…all in.
